So the question weighing on my mind is, am I bisexual?
This is a harder question to answer than you'd think. On the Kinsey scale, based on my behavior, I'm by definition bisexual. Whatever my attractions, identity, etc, that makes me bisexual.
I feel like the identity gay mostly fits, but these gay shoes I'm trying to grow into are a little uncomfortable. So why is this difficult? There's on the one hand the religious beliefs which prohibit exploration of the homosexual side of things, and and the Evergreen brainwashing which got me to try to diminish one side and increase the other. On the other hand, I enjoyed having sex with my wife and I found it fulfilling for years. I can't just disregard years of sexual experiences, years of data if you will, because now I'm being more "honest" and out.
I really do love my wife. We're separated but that feeling, that love, is real.
I wonder if this happens to anyone else.
Then the question on my mind is, if I'm bisexual, did I do the right thing?
Hard to know. Hard to fix now.
I guess my point is that rushing to identify as gay is not a magic pill. Coming out is not a sublime ecstasy. There are great things about it. There's nothing wrong with being gay. There's nothing wrong with the sexual attractions, feelings, love between two men and two women. But there's nothing wrong with being bisexual either. The truth is that all of us are on a spectrum and continuum of sexuality and sexual orientation.
Things aren't as cut and dry as they always seem.