tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post5711861762687041109..comments2023-05-09T02:00:41.963-07:00Comments on The Crazy Mormon: It got worseAlexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13589508168777037793noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-61550022435905899412011-11-01T12:54:50.995-07:002011-11-01T12:54:50.995-07:00sorry that your mom reacted that way! maybe in ti...sorry that your mom reacted that way! maybe in time she'll see that you are the same great kid and realize the error of her thinking; there's hope anyway right?! I'm glad you understand that of course there is a God and He loves all people. He is pretty amazing!!recover and thrivehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17270876156041876537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-76605137231191427222011-10-31T13:50:51.043-07:002011-10-31T13:50:51.043-07:00Unfortunately, I think the Mormon wall is harder t...Unfortunately, I think the Mormon wall is harder to climb as an adult, not because adults are incapable, but because there's certain expectations in "adult conversation." <br /><br />When I came out in my teens to my mom (who is LDS), I remember being vocal about it, all the time, to the point of harassing her. Eventually her main argument was that I didn't seem capable about talking about anything else, that I was letting my sexuality be my main characteristic, that I was obsessed and so on. I remember answering, "No, Mom, it only seems that way to you because this is all I talk about with you because of the way you treat me." And she would ask, annoyed, like an adult to a child, "And how I am treating you?" and I would struggle to articulate general heterosexism, the fact that she assumes certain roles just automatically apply to me just because she believes they should. Really, the whole process was like a calf weaning from its mother, but at the same time negotiating a continued relationship. There was anger and misunderstanding between us, and it became clear to her that I wouldn't be going to church anymore. She tried to guilt me about not being able to be sealed to her, and I was like, "That's not my fault. That's the Church's fault." She would tell me to not talk about this stuff in front of my brother, and I'd hit her with a lecture about how gayness is not contagious, but intolerance is.<br /><br />In hindsight, now that I'm nearly 28, I feel like all the belligerence paid off. She's respectful to me and my partner. I feel like I can't change her beliefs any more than she can change my sexuality; there's underlying issues that don't hurt because we've already hashed through them together. I don't mean this to say that it's too late for you and your mom, but IMO, grinding through these differences later in life is harder.alanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15705068701218002977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-73548873888006701332011-10-29T19:28:15.598-07:002011-10-29T19:28:15.598-07:00Hugs! I'm sad for your mom's reaction, and...Hugs! I'm sad for your mom's reaction, and hopeful for the many other reactions.jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07609613967033394629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-31118315724199573662011-10-29T16:53:40.033-07:002011-10-29T16:53:40.033-07:00My dad and most of my siblings are the same way. ...My dad and most of my siblings are the same way. They refuse to talk about "that issue", refuse to read anything about it that might challenge their prejudices, and one sister in particular recently visited my area with her husband and children but never said a word to us about it. My dad says she believes she has a responsibility to "shield her children from that lifestyle and from any contact with anyone who chooses it." Her kids range from 16 to 10. I told him she's got her head in the sand and it won't work anyway, they probably know more about the subject already than she does and are likely to be far more liberal about it. Not to mention that one of her boys already shows signs of possibly being gay himself. Wouldn't that be great karma.<br /><br />Anyway, bottom line: I totally understand how you feel. It is their loss. But you live your own life, with integrity and honesty.Robhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02992194211469009236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-13472185648879888722011-10-29T14:27:52.592-07:002011-10-29T14:27:52.592-07:00Controller, Thank you. I wish those things weren&...Controller, Thank you. I wish those things weren't exclusive in my Mom's mind, or anyone's else. It's like, well you're an incredible person, just don't be gay. <br /><br />You speak wise words. I have come to the same conclusion, that I can't live my life being what other people being who other people want me to be or doing what they want me to do. It doesn't work and it doesn't lead to happiness.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13589508168777037793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-42418747072502433242011-10-29T14:25:07.818-07:002011-10-29T14:25:07.818-07:00Neal, I like your sense of humor. I guess I'm ...Neal, I like your sense of humor. I guess I'm a zombie now:DAlexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13589508168777037793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-75809635362840725872011-10-29T14:23:30.899-07:002011-10-29T14:23:30.899-07:00Love you too friend.Love you too friend.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13589508168777037793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-60766966480427651572011-10-28T23:40:04.872-07:002011-10-28T23:40:04.872-07:00Love you man.Love you man.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-42115020675325065212011-10-28T19:44:16.037-07:002011-10-28T19:44:16.037-07:00What a wonderfully honest post. I'm sorry tha...What a wonderfully honest post. I'm sorry that your mother refuses to accept that you can be BOTH gay AND a really good person at the same time; that being gay doesn't automatically disqualify you from goodness. It's hard when the people you love and want in your life just don't have enough respect for you to accept that their life decisions aren't yours. As for "disobeying" your mom, well one of the two of you needs to do some growing up there, and it certainly isn't you.<br /><br />Hang in there my friend. Stay close to the part of the family that does accept you. And stay true to yourself. Being miserable just so other people will love you doesn't work - ever. I spent a lot of years trying so I hve a good basis for that conclusion.<br /><br />My best thoughts are being sent your way. You are a brave and honorable man. I admire you.ControllerOnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04161975934417545717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3259100264329775943.post-68011909995808896292011-10-28T19:38:45.677-07:002011-10-28T19:38:45.677-07:00Since, according to your mom, you have thrown away...Since, according to your mom, you have thrown away your soul you would make a great zombie for Halloween! LOL!<br /><br />Hard to be patient. I have a totally homophobic family, which is why I stay in the closet. It gets old at times...Nealhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03943975175380497835noreply@blogger.com